I've started my new job as a sale person. I can't say I hate it. It's fun to be interacting with clients again even with my co-workers. It's a hard job, really low paid, on my legs all day and listening to my manager speak non stop. I'm grateful that I'm at an age and a state of mind when I don't argue anymore. I just answer yes you're absolutely right, yes it's true, yes I'll do it every time he says something to me. I did my first cleaning job. That was kind of fun. Cute small loft owned by a young marketing director. I thought the entire time everything is Kung Fu. Even my sale job could be Kung Fu. Meaning everything can be a kind of meditation depending on the perspective we choose. It takes efforts. As in Kung Fu: preparation, practice, repetition. Certains things need to be done over and over again to obtain a degree of perfection. Perfection in humility it most exist. I started to enjoy cooking. It has to do with my new kitchen which is bigger and brighter than my old one but I'm sure with my being right now.
I stopped smoking weed and cigarettes. I even took a chip at NA the newcomer chip which said: just for today. I think it is a great mantra. Do it today, tomorrow is not there yet. So it's been 3 weeks without weed. I have to admit that the fact that I have no money to put on weed helps but nonetheless I did it. The first week was quite hard. I became very depressed and I had major headaches. But it is gone now. I replaced it with a clear mind. I even dreamed that I was enjoying having a clear mind. I feel lighter. I didn't have to say no to someone offering weed yet. Let's see what will happen then. Will I give myself permission? That chip is still a commitment. I've been attending meetings with a friend since 3 years now. He took many chips as me I never thought I would take one one day. I always thought I could stop whenever I wanted and weed wasn't a drug like crystal meth or coke or crack...but it is drug nonetheless. And even though it is said that it isn't addictive I cried for 2 days and I had headaches which is something I don't normally have. Somebody once asked me when did I start smoking weed and I answered when I stop snorting coke. I replaced one addiction with another. I think that we addict that's what we do. It could be sex also or food or gambling the list is long. Anyway now I have my chip. My friend pushed me to take it. I had no intention to do it. I told him that I felt I was a fraud because everybody was holding me and congratulating me like I stopped a crack addiction but also because I wasn't sure of that life long commitment. But the main idea is to stop smoking weed like I was doing every day sometimes from lunch to bedtime. I never thought It was a real problem because I was a functional addict. I worked on it, took care of my daughters, did my errance. It didn't stop me from doing what I had to do. Nonetheless even it we hear that it is good for this and that and so on and so forth, it is a drug because it altered my brain and it makes me high. Maybe now I don't need that kind of high. I'm naturally high and I truly feel I'll go higher now that I ever been being high with a clear mind and a healthy soul within a healthy body.
I hope you're not afraid of heights ! :)
