What is freedom

I was thinking that we live in a crazy times, we go from hyper realism to superficialism,if it is even a term, or fake realism however you want to call it. The artificial seems natural and truth sounds false. In the overdose of informations that lead us to dead ends or emptiness we have to surf our own waves and go against the stream and see with other own eyes, draw with our hands, feel with our own soul. The idea for me now is to reveal the hidden good, the one concealed and for doing that the ego has to retract to make place for the revelation. It is funny how people are not only lost in the reflection of themselves but the perfected false version of themselves. It is a form of self slavery. self enslavement. What is freedom? True freedom. In Les Racines du Ciel of Romain Gary my favorite author when I was a teenager, the hero is imprisoned during the second world war as a political prisoner with others from the Resistance and what saved them for depressions and despair is the thoughts of the elephant roaming free in the savannas of Africa. I always wanted to visit Africa since I read this book. He wrote about the stars in the African desert. It is maybe one of the first ecological book, anti-hunting. Freedom is a state of being. The true freedom of the mind cannot manifest itself within some sorts of limits. We can't grow without pressure. We can't be who truly are without overcoming adversity. Never give up. My great aunt Jouji who did the concentration camp told me that once. Never give up. L'important est de ne jamais désespérer. Now I tell myself that if I pick up one empty plastic bottle thrown on the street by someone who must think that it is gonna dissolve by itself and put in a recycling bin me being out was worth. It is a new dada of mine. Picking up plastic bottles. I myself surprise of the number I pick up every day. I wish I could start a movement. Because if everyone of us would do a little, the sums would be a enormous. I'm thinking it is a start. Every start has a beginning. Time is like a spiral that turns and go up. The whole thing made me wiser and calmer. I know I use this word calmer over and over again but it is still surprising for me to feel grounded, connected and calm. And not hooked on the stars, disconnected and wired. I think it is because I feel safe. To that I say L'Chaim, to life, to this new year, may It be sweet and good. 
Don't be scared, Hashem your G-d is in each of your steps. 

Reflecting on the year that passed and the New Year

My life is calm. Finally. And I feel calm. I never felt calm before. More like a lion in a cage. My brain like a ping pong match. I moved on. I like my job and the people I work with. I started doing some volunteering at the CHUM in oncology and I just love doing it. I wish I could go more often. I go whenever I have a day off. I cut M entirely and his mom. I'm back with Sam. It is what it is. I feel at home when I am with him. Let's see. Nothing compare to him. Its in G-d's hands, He decides. There is nothing I can do only accept. Overall I think the year was good. Sometimes I feel like I should fastened my seat belts. So for next year, I want to be better than I am now. I have a feeling that the worst is in the past until the next time. But for now, it is all good. I'm asking G-d a good and sweet year. In the concealed good and in the sweet. Because life is not a straight line, it goes up and down. Like my grand-father use to say: The only way to stay alive is to get old. Life exists in the movement not in the stillness. Without changes there can't be no life. I told him that I prefer him now than before. Now that he is older. I told him that he is the only one that I love. That my former relationship was an optic illusion. Une illusion d'optique. I go to get massage t a chinese place. It's a treatment. She's healing my body. I can feel the changes already. She is magical. My body needed it. Get rid of the stress that was accumulated. It's a total cure. I didn't go back to cigarettes. I'm walking the line. I'm controlling my emotions and thinking first with my head. I'm less emotional. But I'm still tensed. I have a difficulty to let go. And I'm in charge of my two daughters, alone. It is a big responsibility so I have to stay alert. 
I like where I live. It's all good. Barush Hashem 
Thanking G-d every morning every day, Mode Ani
I made it through the changes, the only way to overcome it is to go through it. New beginning, the eternal beginning, I arrive only to begin something else. Les voies de D-eu sont impénétrables. Stronger than ever, wiser than ever, calmer than ever, happier than ever. 
I am who I am. Taking responsibility, 
I think social media is so popular is because it offers other kind of information, good diifferent, free information, not only the bad news that we are use to see in more conformist avenues. And the fact that we can share our ideas for free in the web accessible to the entire world. Dream warriors, soul serachers, people of the world unite. We are all children of G-d. One love, One world, Peace, Shalom, Salam