The understanding

I want to make one thing very clear if I speak about Kabbala it is not in the intention to convert anything to my views. But since I'm jewish and Kabbala is at the roots of judaism in the mystic perspective of it and since I've been listening to the videos of rabbi Simon Jacobson on the subject of Kabbala that's my point of reference. Nonetheless, the world is about diversity and not conformity. We live in a world where minerals, vegetation, animals and us live in interconnection with each other although we are completely different on must part to each other. It's interesting when we stop to reflect on the fact that those 4 worlds blend with each other in perfect harmony. Although I have to say that humans with their big egos forgot that they were suppose to take care of the earth that was given to them. It is the fracture of the world. So diversity is an integrant part of our life on earth. And I welcome everyone with their religion, their beliefs as long as they carry positive vibes. I am who I am you are who you are and it's all good for me. It's about respect, tolerance, acceptance, love our neighbour, love the strangers, because we were strangers in the land of Egypt. I guess when somebody is secure in him or herself he doesn't feel threatened by difference of opinion as long as it is in good and peaceful spirit needless to say. I deleted someone from my Facebook page because he kept saying to me that his religion will control the world. I can't stand that type of aggressive attitude.  I always said that I come with peaceful intentions. I raise the white flag. We all add to the whole and everyone is equally important, the janitor like the president, each of us has a mission to fullfill, a reason to be alive. The same with the plants, the animals even the stones. Everything is equally important within the whole. Each planets and each stars in the sky, each grain of sands, each of us. 

Next level

So now that I did a long introduction in my previous posts of how I got to where I am now. Let's begin the next level.


I do stretching every morning and praying. I pray God to protect the ones I love or I care about. I stopped smoking cigarettes, stop buying alcohol for the house. I started breathing again, opening my chakras. I listen to kabbalah. By doing so, I cleaned up my mind, my soul, and I feel free. Not free as I use to feel, high on I don't know what, but mentally free, naturally free. 

I understand now that we are never the victim of others but solely our own. I understand now that To be touched we have to let the other person touch us. It's either that or we just make the interaction bounce on us without letting it affect us. I realize that I'm the one in control, I decide who comes in and who doesn't. I experience the virtue of saying no. I set my limits. Man is not made to be alone, so it says in the Torah. It's a human need. Certain people knows how to manipulate that need and pervert the need of connection to their own self interest. But they can manipulate only if you let them. Because as I said we are in control. I had the habit of throwing myself out because I am strong and I can pick up the pieces quite rapidly. I don't anymore. I'm becoming very picky. I have become wiser, stronger, in other word mature. In judaism it is said that maturity begins at 40, wisdom at 60. I'm starting to understand what maturity feels like. 

Kabbalah is interesting because it explains how the ways of God reflects in all the aspects of our life and how the way we are is a reflection of Him. It helps me understand myself and my place on earth and in the universe. The energy of it all. The power and energy of letters, of letters together, the power and energy of the vibes emanating from all things, minerals, vegetation, animals, humans. The objects of desire. The ultimate harmony of all things. That everything is happening exactly as it should and that everything is interconnected and part of a whole. That we live in the world of God, in the world that God created for us out of love. It's time to spread the good vibes and to keep the spirit alive. 

Time to start the next level

Time to start a revolution, the love revolution.

Freedom

When I was a child, my favourite time of the day was when everybody was still sleeping and I was the only one awake. I guess I was always a loner. Since a young age, around 6, I felt different. Slightly disconnected not completely within. Since I was born in Paris, i invented a mythology of me being french. I never felt I belong. A feeling of being a stranger in a strange land that accompany me almost until recently. I was an observer in but out. In the middle but off limits at the same time. Living through them but without them. Power of being. I always liked the heights or the depth. One step away. I was obsessed with the autistic child as a teenager. There was a resemblance, an attraction. I could relate. Music became my guide. Electronic music. I search for the people who liked the same kind of music as me. Who danced on the same sound. I was in the core of things. The center of the universe searching, starving for more. Completely and absolutely disenchanted. The spleen, I was born with the spleen of existence. Why was I living, for which purpose ? What was I suppose to do with my life ?  Jep says in The Great Beauty, since 40 years it's a steady decline. I was falling but I didn't care. I am lost and take no pleasure in being found. Steinbeck. I feel free and calm. I feel empowered. It was a long journey. It is still a journey. I don't feel more connected to people, but I'm more connected to me meaning head, body and soul and to earth and the universe. I feel centered within me and through the world around me. I'm not angry anymore, I'm at peace. I feel balanced. It is said that from chaos comes harmony. I was a total chaos I'm tending toward harmony. Music is still my faithful companion, my soul companion. Never left my side. Whenever I want to cut myself up, I put my headphones on. 
We live on an amazing planet. The most beautiful and diverse. Humans, animals, plants, minerals living in total harmony yet so completely different. Kabbalah makes me conscious of the wonder of life, of the wonder of a human body, a human mind, a human soul. It makes me conscious of the wonder of nature and how grateful I am to be able to experience this incredible trip that is a life.   

back to the source

I got rid of my beloved car recently not because I wanted too but because I had too. It was the end of my lease and no way I could keep it. I was a bit sad but It was a relief as well. I was always attracted to the luxury of things. When I was in my twenty I use to say that I was a bankrupt aristocrat and that blue blood was running in my veins. An aristocrat in search of the Graal in opposition of the bourgeois so eager to conform. So i was an aristocrat, from another time, lost in the vulgarity and the mediocrity of this one. Luxury in that perspective was the idea of the absolute unnecessary, of the object that rises above the tools of every day life. I always had this need to elevate my every day life. I needed more than what was offered to my eyes and my ears. I wanted eternity. My belief in God rooted in that need. I couldn't be contempt with humanity there had to be a God to make it meaningful. There was this need of god and there was this need of love. Maybe it goes together. I believed in God so I believed in love. And I believe in love still. I wish for love. I don't know if I will find it but it's not important. I guess to wish for true love I had to work on myself first. I had to get rid of the superficial of what was keeping me down. Of the bling bling of things. I had to go back to the source. To what is really essential. I had to get back to me, to my friends, to my family. I let go of the man I was seeing on and off for 4 years. I was keeping him to convince myself that It was right when I knew very well it was wrong. It was wrong from the beginning. He had money. He took me out, restaurants, vacation. But It was empty. A business relation sort of. Going nowhere, giving me nothing, leaving my soul starving for more. I finally decided that I prefer to be alone. Even though to be alone is not always easy. I had to refrain myself many times not to call him or text him. But there is no point. At one point It was time to let go. 
2015 been a year so far of letting go, letting go of the unhealthy dependency and by doing so building myself stronger and emotionally independent. Going back to the source. 
2015 the year of self-actualization

Soul mate

I do believe in a soulmate. Someone told me once that certain things I should keep secret because It would scare some men. I answered: well I'm not for any
 man, that's all. If they can deal with me it's not meant to be. I'm thinking if I won't meet him in this life it's gonna be in my other life. It won't stop me. It's not that I search but it's what I seek, it's what I want. It's my nature. I always have to go deep or high. I don't know how to live but with my heart and soul. It's who I am. I give it all that I've got every time. Before I use to say you'll have my body not my soul. Now I say I'll give my body and my soul otherwise I'm not interested. That's the way it goes. I feel strong enough to do it. I'm more and more emotionally independent. I wonder sometimes if It's a good thing or if it's a not a sad thing. I guess it's a good thing. It is not a question of ego. In contrary the less I live through my ego the stronger I feel. Maybe th
e soulmate It's just a dream but I rather have that dream than not. I guess it's a the same idea with God, I rather believe in God than not. Actually those beliefs are not by choices. I always felt God next to me holding my hands even in my darker hours. For me

believing in God and in believing in a soulmate comes from the same roots. I always felt I was God messenger, fallen angel, sent on earth by mistake against my will waiting for someone to take me back where I belong. Disconnected. I guess the deeper I go the higher I fly the more isolated I be, the less inhabitants. I use to say we're not from the same specie, we don't talk the same language. I learned to live with that. It use to make me very angry the mediocrity of humanity. I just ignore it now. I do my things. I learned to navigate through existence, be different and be calm. I just wire myself on music, on kabbalah, on yoga, surrounds myself with people I like and who likes me and move forward one step at the time. So soulmate hopefully in this life if not it's fine also. It won't stop me to believe, in my stop me to continue on my path. 

          

The more I know the more I know nothing

 Whenever I realized I arrived somewhere it was just to realize it was the beginning of something else. Life is an eternal beginning. There<s no destination, the journey is the destination. You open a door only to see the immensity of the unknown. The more I know the more I know nothing. There's always something more to learn, something more to correct. It is difficult sometimes to distinguish the wrong from the bad in a time where everything and anything is permitted, in a time where we have the total freedom to do what we want whatever that is. We have access to drugs to sex, instant pleasure, instant gratification. We lost our references in the name of liberty. But that's how it had to be. Free will had to come with the freedom of choice. We couldn't be the master of our life if we didn't have the freedom to live our life the way we wanted to. I'm beginning to understand the concept of freedom within a structure of limitations. I'm only beginning to settling in. It began few months ago. I got rid of certain things, addictions, pulling me down. There was this feeling of peace and calm. The closer I got to my inner self, to my values, to my essence, the more I felt serenity. So first there was the feeling of peacefulness. Now there's a feeling of reason. To do the right thing. I was always wild, lost in time and space, now I'm becoming grounded. The closer I elevate myself the more I feel centered. I have been watching a lot of kabbalah videos by rabbi Simon Jacobson lately. He talked about the energy and the container, the 4 worlds emanating from God: the emanation, the creation: world of the souls, the formation: world of the angels and the action: world of the men. Explaining the more material a world is, the more distant from God it is. We are distant but we have this aspiration in us that pulls us toward him because he wishes that we knew that he exists. He created an interface between him and us, a connection. The great kabbalists could go so high with their own minds, they blow mine away. Higher than I will ever go. They went high but with their feet on the ground. It's strange because I always felt that there's was an error, that I was sent on earth by mistake, that they would realize their mistake and take me back. A fallen angel trying to find it's way back to paradise... I had the intuition of it but not the understanding. A lost soul. I always felt I wanted to elevate my daily life. I always wanted more than what was observable by the eye. i wanted true beauty. I was looking for the soul, a soul searcher, a dream warrior. I realize now that my aspiration were right but not my ways. I started to pray recently not knowing how to pray. I learned that I have to pray for others not myself and It all made sense. I'l go the mikvah the ritual bath for Yom Kippour, the day of atonement. It's the time of purification, it's a new beginning just when I thought i had arrived... 

march the power of the soul

March has started on a good note. It's milder outside and we're able to walk without rushing to get in again, we can breath ! I let go of more negative elements in my life. Didn't realize it was holding me back or pushing me down until I let it go. in that perspective, I decided that the word for the month of march will be: Soul. I've been watching a lot of videos on youtube on that subject and it made me conscious even more of the importance of reaching for the soul, reaching inward instead of outward. The importance of surrounding of ourselves with people in touch with their inner being, staying away from people with empty soul or soul so well guarded that it is impossible to touch it as much love you're going to give them. The importance of reaching for the being and not the showing, in a world where the glorification of the body never been so powerful and generalized to go against the stream and be a rebel, a soul searcher. Sadly it is easier to uncover the body than our soul. By uncovering the soul we make ourselves vulnerable and at risk of being hurt. Only the strong can take that chance. Only the truthful. 
It is said that there is a specific soul for each specific body or container. The soul is the source and the body its instrument. And not vice and versa. The soul is not at the service of the body in the same idea that the artist is not at the service of the paintbrush. It is when the body over power the soul that we have war decadence dominance etc...
It is said that the ones with exalted souls go so high that instead of reaching outward they go so deep that they separate themselves from their surrounding. Do you get that feeling sometimes so joyful so high so deep just so far far away flying surfing on the positive vibes of your soul ? because i do :) 
Of course I'm not saying that we have to forget the body. But we need a healthy soul to have a healthy body, we need a healthy soul to be able to love and to reach to the others We need to open our soul if we want to live meaningful life and not a life only pointed to ourselves, an egoistic life is a dead life. We need to nourish the soul the same way we nourish our body. And the body and the mind need to be at the service of our soul. Let your soul lead the way, quiet the mind and let yourself surf on its good vibes.