Gratitude

At the beginning of Exodus, Myriam is sent, by jer motherm to watch over her brother Moshes who was in a basket in the water. Acknowledging gratitude. The difficulty is to be grateful for what we have. I'm in a hard school right now. I work with a very special person, mentally special. OCB. Or border line autistic. Whatever it is he's special. And I don't know how to remain calm when he starts. Whenever he is stress and it happens quite often. Especially when I'm tired. He's overwhelming. And we work in a small place. And tightly together. He never let go. He comments on everything. Like we say in French, il exagère. He goes over board. Today, I couldn't believe what he was saying. At the same time he has a big heart. I know that. But he complicates everything. I need to find a way to deal with him. Not to let him get to me. Not let it affects me. I am stronger then that. I'm better than that.
We are messengers. Our whole being is a gift. Soul and breathing are intrinsically connected. We have to share what we have. We live in a very narcissistic and egoistic world. So often people forgets to share. The soul needs as the body needs exercice, exercice as well. Real success in life begins when we are standing on something right. By allowing people to be different they become one. Harmony within diversity. I'm a channel to bring the light into the world. Interface to something greater. 
When I was a child I was wondering about the feeling of happiness I got when I did a good gesture. I was asking myself: was that feeling making the gesture selfish. It isn't selfish. In contrary. It is the instantaneous effect of that gesture. Give and receive almost instantaneously. 
 To be thankful for what we have, to express gratitude to something greater than us. First step of a meaningful life. 
Lessons learned from Rabbi Simon Jacobson

Better late than never or in order to give we have to be able to receive or me first or time to grow up

I came to a realization that I never thought me first. I always put other first. I never stood for myself. I thought I was. Raising my girls, it strikes me how we learn from imitation. We transmit what we learned from our education good or bad beause that's what we know. We can't reproduce something we don't know. If I'm in this type of relationship it is because that's what I saw growing up as a teenager. Of Hillel famous quote:

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? 

If I am not for others, what am I? 

And if not now, when?” 

I only took the second part, not the first. I understand now that without the first part you can never truly be for others. I now have to learn to receive. It is not as simple as it seems. Me first like a mantra. I heard that recommandation from 2 sources lately. Like in stereo. I al;ways put myself at the convenience of others. What was suitable for them was suitable for me. On the other hand like Hillel states I cannot be only for my own ego. But Me comes first nonetheless in a flowing and harmonious movement. Me first because they will survive. 

'"We can never receive something new and bigger, 

unless we let go of something else first! 

It’s the law of the universe; we need to make space for the new. "

Yael Yardeni

I have to let go of my comfort zone and jump into Me, what I truly want, what I truly desire and not settle for nothing else. And I won't try to rationalize it in my mind.Time to grow up.
And most of all what we did or do what happened to us don't define who we are. Who we are is perfect. We can at all time come back to our true self because it has always been there.
Shalom 
Peace and love always

Movement

In judaism, time is viewed as a spiral. Going forward, backward but always upward, like the DNA. Time began with the creation of the world. And with time, History. And with time, movement. I remembeùr thinking as a teanager that I wanted to deconstruct or depart from all the acquired conditions of my education to create my own self. I wanted to believe that could be done. I'm a product of my education but I also evolved from it. I'm grateful for certain things, actually I should say that I'm grateful for everything because that made me who I am today, it permitted what I became. We can't escape from your past but we can get out our comfort zone leave the shore and fly. Some people get stuck in their pettiness littleness, misery and stay in it because it is safe to remain in what they know. They're not courageous enough to take the leap of faith have trust and get out. The door is just there it might even be opened even though they look through but they don't move. Status quo. I think there is nothing worse but to be in a status quo. Not living just existing. Alive but still dead. Like the line on the screen when the heart stops to beat. No movement no exiatence. 
I heard a rabbi say that we shouldn't be asking for an easy life but for a meaningful life. An easy life is not the key. The key is the meaning of our life. It's purpose. I looked for purpose all my life. Why was I on earth...I wanted to be a mother for that reason, to give meaning. If nothing else, to be a mother was the ultimate purpose for me. 

To create desire, a dream. The desire is born out of need,of manque...We only desire what we don't have, what we have we love. 

Unity in diversity.