vocabulary

Some people can be turned off by certain terminology i use like prayer or God or religion. If you wish you can translate them with meditation, source and spirituality. If the first ones are too intense or too strong. You begin where you want. The idea is that everyone should be comfortable. For me yoga was the catalyst of my enlightenment, anyway the start of it. Yoga first opened my body to the energy around me. It cleaned my mind from the toxins. It allows me to receive and to give. It changed me. It pushed me higher, further or deeper. The second step was Kabbala. Maybe because I have an analytic mind, i needed to have the creation of the world explained to me to understand the structure of existence. I guess it's the same idea why I wanted to go in history because to understand the present you have to understand the past. With Kabbala I started prayer or if you prefer meditation. Meditation turned outward meaning you take to give back to the world. You become a transmitter or a messenger. The energy flows from God or the source, as you want, to you than to the world. 

In Kabbala God created the world through a will. the will to create something and through the four letters of the Tetragram. Our world as we know it, is made of container and the content within the container, each container specially made for its content. For example the word and the meaning of the word, the notes and the music, the eye and the vision, the ear and the hearing, the though and the idea, the body and the soul etc. They all work together in perfect harmony. That will, that first connection, was born out of love. The second was justice. The world wouldn't be able to subsist without those 2 forces. Doing what's right not whats easy is a difficult thing. In order to give man freedom of choice God had to stay concealed hidden, if not, free will could not exist. Everything has a meaning, everything is happening exactly as it should. We have to trust our inner voice our soul and follow our heart but also use our head. Doing what's right. Following God's way, the source of it all. We have to reconnect with our soul and by doing so to reach closer to God.

The understanding

I want to make one thing very clear if I speak about Kabbala it is not in the intention to convert anything to my views. But since I'm jewish and Kabbala is at the roots of judaism in the mystic perspective of it and since I've been listening to the videos of rabbi Simon Jacobson on the subject of Kabbala that's my point of reference. Nonetheless, the world is about diversity and not conformity. We live in a world where minerals, vegetation, animals and us live in interconnection with each other although we are completely different on must part to each other. It's interesting when we stop to reflect on the fact that those 4 worlds blend with each other in perfect harmony. Although I have to say that humans with their big egos forgot that they were suppose to take care of the earth that was given to them. It is the fracture of the world. So diversity is an integrant part of our life on earth. And I welcome everyone with their religion, their beliefs as long as they carry positive vibes. I am who I am you are who you are and it's all good for me. It's about respect, tolerance, acceptance, love our neighbour, love the strangers, because we were strangers in the land of Egypt. I guess when somebody is secure in him or herself he doesn't feel threatened by difference of opinion as long as it is in good and peaceful spirit needless to say. I deleted someone from my Facebook page because he kept saying to me that his religion will control the world. I can't stand that type of aggressive attitude.  I always said that I come with peaceful intentions. I raise the white flag. We all add to the whole and everyone is equally important, the janitor like the president, each of us has a mission to fullfill, a reason to be alive. The same with the plants, the animals even the stones. Everything is equally important within the whole. Each planets and each stars in the sky, each grain of sands, each of us. 

Next level

So now that I did a long introduction in my previous posts of how I got to where I am now. Let's begin the next level.


I do stretching every morning and praying. I pray God to protect the ones I love or I care about. I stopped smoking cigarettes, stop buying alcohol for the house. I started breathing again, opening my chakras. I listen to kabbalah. By doing so, I cleaned up my mind, my soul, and I feel free. Not free as I use to feel, high on I don't know what, but mentally free, naturally free. 

I understand now that we are never the victim of others but solely our own. I understand now that To be touched we have to let the other person touch us. It's either that or we just make the interaction bounce on us without letting it affect us. I realize that I'm the one in control, I decide who comes in and who doesn't. I experience the virtue of saying no. I set my limits. Man is not made to be alone, so it says in the Torah. It's a human need. Certain people knows how to manipulate that need and pervert the need of connection to their own self interest. But they can manipulate only if you let them. Because as I said we are in control. I had the habit of throwing myself out because I am strong and I can pick up the pieces quite rapidly. I don't anymore. I'm becoming very picky. I have become wiser, stronger, in other word mature. In judaism it is said that maturity begins at 40, wisdom at 60. I'm starting to understand what maturity feels like. 

Kabbalah is interesting because it explains how the ways of God reflects in all the aspects of our life and how the way we are is a reflection of Him. It helps me understand myself and my place on earth and in the universe. The energy of it all. The power and energy of letters, of letters together, the power and energy of the vibes emanating from all things, minerals, vegetation, animals, humans. The objects of desire. The ultimate harmony of all things. That everything is happening exactly as it should and that everything is interconnected and part of a whole. That we live in the world of God, in the world that God created for us out of love. It's time to spread the good vibes and to keep the spirit alive. 

Time to start the next level

Time to start a revolution, the love revolution.

Freedom

When I was a child, my favourite time of the day was when everybody was still sleeping and I was the only one awake. I guess I was always a loner. Since a young age, around 6, I felt different. Slightly disconnected not completely within. Since I was born in Paris, i invented a mythology of me being french. I never felt I belong. A feeling of being a stranger in a strange land that accompany me almost until recently. I was an observer in but out. In the middle but off limits at the same time. Living through them but without them. Power of being. I always liked the heights or the depth. One step away. I was obsessed with the autistic child as a teenager. There was a resemblance, an attraction. I could relate. Music became my guide. Electronic music. I search for the people who liked the same kind of music as me. Who danced on the same sound. I was in the core of things. The center of the universe searching, starving for more. Completely and absolutely disenchanted. The spleen, I was born with the spleen of existence. Why was I living, for which purpose ? What was I suppose to do with my life ?  Jep says in The Great Beauty, since 40 years it's a steady decline. I was falling but I didn't care. I am lost and take no pleasure in being found. Steinbeck. I feel free and calm. I feel empowered. It was a long journey. It is still a journey. I don't feel more connected to people, but I'm more connected to me meaning head, body and soul and to earth and the universe. I feel centered within me and through the world around me. I'm not angry anymore, I'm at peace. I feel balanced. It is said that from chaos comes harmony. I was a total chaos I'm tending toward harmony. Music is still my faithful companion, my soul companion. Never left my side. Whenever I want to cut myself up, I put my headphones on. 
We live on an amazing planet. The most beautiful and diverse. Humans, animals, plants, minerals living in total harmony yet so completely different. Kabbalah makes me conscious of the wonder of life, of the wonder of a human body, a human mind, a human soul. It makes me conscious of the wonder of nature and how grateful I am to be able to experience this incredible trip that is a life.   

back to the source

I got rid of my beloved car recently not because I wanted too but because I had too. It was the end of my lease and no way I could keep it. I was a bit sad but It was a relief as well. I was always attracted to the luxury of things. When I was in my twenty I use to say that I was a bankrupt aristocrat and that blue blood was running in my veins. An aristocrat in search of the Graal in opposition of the bourgeois so eager to conform. So i was an aristocrat, from another time, lost in the vulgarity and the mediocrity of this one. Luxury in that perspective was the idea of the absolute unnecessary, of the object that rises above the tools of every day life. I always had this need to elevate my every day life. I needed more than what was offered to my eyes and my ears. I wanted eternity. My belief in God rooted in that need. I couldn't be contempt with humanity there had to be a God to make it meaningful. There was this need of god and there was this need of love. Maybe it goes together. I believed in God so I believed in love. And I believe in love still. I wish for love. I don't know if I will find it but it's not important. I guess to wish for true love I had to work on myself first. I had to get rid of the superficial of what was keeping me down. Of the bling bling of things. I had to go back to the source. To what is really essential. I had to get back to me, to my friends, to my family. I let go of the man I was seeing on and off for 4 years. I was keeping him to convince myself that It was right when I knew very well it was wrong. It was wrong from the beginning. He had money. He took me out, restaurants, vacation. But It was empty. A business relation sort of. Going nowhere, giving me nothing, leaving my soul starving for more. I finally decided that I prefer to be alone. Even though to be alone is not always easy. I had to refrain myself many times not to call him or text him. But there is no point. At one point It was time to let go. 
2015 been a year so far of letting go, letting go of the unhealthy dependency and by doing so building myself stronger and emotionally independent. Going back to the source. 
2015 the year of self-actualization