Soul mate

I do believe in a soulmate. Someone told me once that certain things I should keep secret because It would scare some men. I answered: well I'm not for any
 man, that's all. If they can deal with me it's not meant to be. I'm thinking if I won't meet him in this life it's gonna be in my other life. It won't stop me. It's not that I search but it's what I seek, it's what I want. It's my nature. I always have to go deep or high. I don't know how to live but with my heart and soul. It's who I am. I give it all that I've got every time. Before I use to say you'll have my body not my soul. Now I say I'll give my body and my soul otherwise I'm not interested. That's the way it goes. I feel strong enough to do it. I'm more and more emotionally independent. I wonder sometimes if It's a good thing or if it's a not a sad thing. I guess it's a good thing. It is not a question of ego. In contrary the less I live through my ego the stronger I feel. Maybe th
e soulmate It's just a dream but I rather have that dream than not. I guess it's a the same idea with God, I rather believe in God than not. Actually those beliefs are not by choices. I always felt God next to me holding my hands even in my darker hours. For me

believing in God and in believing in a soulmate comes from the same roots. I always felt I was God messenger, fallen angel, sent on earth by mistake against my will waiting for someone to take me back where I belong. Disconnected. I guess the deeper I go the higher I fly the more isolated I be, the less inhabitants. I use to say we're not from the same specie, we don't talk the same language. I learned to live with that. It use to make me very angry the mediocrity of humanity. I just ignore it now. I do my things. I learned to navigate through existence, be different and be calm. I just wire myself on music, on kabbalah, on yoga, surrounds myself with people I like and who likes me and move forward one step at the time. So soulmate hopefully in this life if not it's fine also. It won't stop me to believe, in my stop me to continue on my path. 

          

The more I know the more I know nothing

 Whenever I realized I arrived somewhere it was just to realize it was the beginning of something else. Life is an eternal beginning. There<s no destination, the journey is the destination. You open a door only to see the immensity of the unknown. The more I know the more I know nothing. There's always something more to learn, something more to correct. It is difficult sometimes to distinguish the wrong from the bad in a time where everything and anything is permitted, in a time where we have the total freedom to do what we want whatever that is. We have access to drugs to sex, instant pleasure, instant gratification. We lost our references in the name of liberty. But that's how it had to be. Free will had to come with the freedom of choice. We couldn't be the master of our life if we didn't have the freedom to live our life the way we wanted to. I'm beginning to understand the concept of freedom within a structure of limitations. I'm only beginning to settling in. It began few months ago. I got rid of certain things, addictions, pulling me down. There was this feeling of peace and calm. The closer I got to my inner self, to my values, to my essence, the more I felt serenity. So first there was the feeling of peacefulness. Now there's a feeling of reason. To do the right thing. I was always wild, lost in time and space, now I'm becoming grounded. The closer I elevate myself the more I feel centered. I have been watching a lot of kabbalah videos by rabbi Simon Jacobson lately. He talked about the energy and the container, the 4 worlds emanating from God: the emanation, the creation: world of the souls, the formation: world of the angels and the action: world of the men. Explaining the more material a world is, the more distant from God it is. We are distant but we have this aspiration in us that pulls us toward him because he wishes that we knew that he exists. He created an interface between him and us, a connection. The great kabbalists could go so high with their own minds, they blow mine away. Higher than I will ever go. They went high but with their feet on the ground. It's strange because I always felt that there's was an error, that I was sent on earth by mistake, that they would realize their mistake and take me back. A fallen angel trying to find it's way back to paradise... I had the intuition of it but not the understanding. A lost soul. I always felt I wanted to elevate my daily life. I always wanted more than what was observable by the eye. i wanted true beauty. I was looking for the soul, a soul searcher, a dream warrior. I realize now that my aspiration were right but not my ways. I started to pray recently not knowing how to pray. I learned that I have to pray for others not myself and It all made sense. I'l go the mikvah the ritual bath for Yom Kippour, the day of atonement. It's the time of purification, it's a new beginning just when I thought i had arrived... 

march the power of the soul

March has started on a good note. It's milder outside and we're able to walk without rushing to get in again, we can breath ! I let go of more negative elements in my life. Didn't realize it was holding me back or pushing me down until I let it go. in that perspective, I decided that the word for the month of march will be: Soul. I've been watching a lot of videos on youtube on that subject and it made me conscious even more of the importance of reaching for the soul, reaching inward instead of outward. The importance of surrounding of ourselves with people in touch with their inner being, staying away from people with empty soul or soul so well guarded that it is impossible to touch it as much love you're going to give them. The importance of reaching for the being and not the showing, in a world where the glorification of the body never been so powerful and generalized to go against the stream and be a rebel, a soul searcher. Sadly it is easier to uncover the body than our soul. By uncovering the soul we make ourselves vulnerable and at risk of being hurt. Only the strong can take that chance. Only the truthful. 
It is said that there is a specific soul for each specific body or container. The soul is the source and the body its instrument. And not vice and versa. The soul is not at the service of the body in the same idea that the artist is not at the service of the paintbrush. It is when the body over power the soul that we have war decadence dominance etc...
It is said that the ones with exalted souls go so high that instead of reaching outward they go so deep that they separate themselves from their surrounding. Do you get that feeling sometimes so joyful so high so deep just so far far away flying surfing on the positive vibes of your soul ? because i do :) 
Of course I'm not saying that we have to forget the body. But we need a healthy soul to have a healthy body, we need a healthy soul to be able to love and to reach to the others We need to open our soul if we want to live meaningful life and not a life only pointed to ourselves, an egoistic life is a dead life. We need to nourish the soul the same way we nourish our body. And the body and the mind need to be at the service of our soul. Let your soul lead the way, quiet the mind and let yourself surf on its good vibes.