The more I know the more I know nothing

 Whenever I realized I arrived somewhere it was just to realize it was the beginning of something else. Life is an eternal beginning. There<s no destination, the journey is the destination. You open a door only to see the immensity of the unknown. The more I know the more I know nothing. There's always something more to learn, something more to correct. It is difficult sometimes to distinguish the wrong from the bad in a time where everything and anything is permitted, in a time where we have the total freedom to do what we want whatever that is. We have access to drugs to sex, instant pleasure, instant gratification. We lost our references in the name of liberty. But that's how it had to be. Free will had to come with the freedom of choice. We couldn't be the master of our life if we didn't have the freedom to live our life the way we wanted to. I'm beginning to understand the concept of freedom within a structure of limitations. I'm only beginning to settling in. It began few months ago. I got rid of certain things, addictions, pulling me down. There was this feeling of peace and calm. The closer I got to my inner self, to my values, to my essence, the more I felt serenity. So first there was the feeling of peacefulness. Now there's a feeling of reason. To do the right thing. I was always wild, lost in time and space, now I'm becoming grounded. The closer I elevate myself the more I feel centered. I have been watching a lot of kabbalah videos by rabbi Simon Jacobson lately. He talked about the energy and the container, the 4 worlds emanating from God: the emanation, the creation: world of the souls, the formation: world of the angels and the action: world of the men. Explaining the more material a world is, the more distant from God it is. We are distant but we have this aspiration in us that pulls us toward him because he wishes that we knew that he exists. He created an interface between him and us, a connection. The great kabbalists could go so high with their own minds, they blow mine away. Higher than I will ever go. They went high but with their feet on the ground. It's strange because I always felt that there's was an error, that I was sent on earth by mistake, that they would realize their mistake and take me back. A fallen angel trying to find it's way back to paradise... I had the intuition of it but not the understanding. A lost soul. I always felt I wanted to elevate my daily life. I always wanted more than what was observable by the eye. i wanted true beauty. I was looking for the soul, a soul searcher, a dream warrior. I realize now that my aspiration were right but not my ways. I started to pray recently not knowing how to pray. I learned that I have to pray for others not myself and It all made sense. I'l go the mikvah the ritual bath for Yom Kippour, the day of atonement. It's the time of purification, it's a new beginning just when I thought i had arrived...