Sometimes I feel like everybody knows what they're doing while I don't have a clue. I'm connected but from the tip of my toes. Hardly. I'm doing my best. Something I missed. Somewhere, somehow. The unbearable lightness of being. L'insoutenable légèreté de l'être. The difficulty of being alive of having to live and not only to live but to be happy and successful and in love and beautiful and intelligent. The pressure of having to be on top. I read that what screw us in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. Focus and let go of the false expectations. We create our own prison. Hell is our sole creation. We have to liberate ourselves of how it is suppose to be, those preconceptions that stop us from living and to be proud of who we are whatever that is. We have to embrace our sadness like we embrace happiness. It is normal to be down once in while, to be discourage, life is not a calm river, it is a trip, a strange but also beautiful trip. And after all it is not the destination that matters but the journey. When I was younger i never gave a fuck about reputation, about other people opinion. I lived my life like a giant, with seven league boots at my feet. I was an ogress, a monster, nothing mattered. It was: you love me you hate me I couldn't care less. I was going my own way. Sometimes I cried, I accepted it. It was just time to cry. I read not long ago that I have to learn to speak the language of the caterpillar because not everyone went through my transformation. The only thing I don't know if I want to. Caterpillar never interested me. I can't be bothered. To trust ourselves is a difficult thing to do, when you're going the opposite way as everyone else. We have moments of doubt, I have moments of doubt. But then again I couldn't do it otherwise. I can't go against my nature.
Once you open your eyes you can't close it again.
And like my daughter posted: Only the dead fish go with the stream....
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