Clueless

Certain persons just know where they're going. They know what they like, what they want to do and they go for it. Others, like, me, have no clue. They just don't know. What is meant to be is meant to be. But the question is, What is meant to be? I just pray for the best. I am like a hooker without a sidewalk...
When people use to ask me what I did in life, I use to answer: I live it keeps me busy. I live but I'm not very good at it. I have no certainty. I am lost in the material world. I don't know what to do in it. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. Although, I know more what I shouldn't be doing so I guess that's a progress. So I go from now to now. No other choice. I push myself from now to now. Hoping, wishing praying God to show me the way, to help me find my way. I never was a career woman, a practical woman. I was flying among the stars not wanting to come back. I love life it is just that I have no talent for the productive part of it. On that subject, it is very peculiar how I don't fit in any of the boxes that the government have for people without income or unemployed. I fall in a black hole. 

I left my love because I loved him to much and I had to move forward. 

I see myself as a tightrope walker walking in the dark empty space surrounded by stars without a net with faith as my rope. 

We are not material creatures seeking a spiritual experience we are spiritual creatures leaving a material experience. I feel my soul inside limited by this body of mine. I feel it as a different entity. I feel like a different species. I feel it strongly, deeply. 
Before I use to ask, half serious, half joking, the infinity to take me home, that i was sent to the wrong planet. That I was not suppose to be here. That I had no connection with the people around me. Indigenous. I felt like a fallen angel expelled from paradise trying to find my way home. Garden of Eden. 
Funny. 
Because a soul comes from the upper world to earth, to do its journey, to accomplish its purpose of repairing the world by its good deeds, good actions. 
Maybe my soul didn't want to come back. What have I done to be back? What do I have to repair.
I suppose I know.

Core transformation. The let go of the ego.