From one door to another

I use to think that I was going from beginning to beginning but actually it is more going from the opening of one door to the opening of another door. Sometimes I get stuck between two doors or I choose the wrong door. But eventually I get to move forward. We can't go forward without going backward. We need this time of status quo or descending movement to go up again. The idea is not to get stuck there. It is easy to get stuck. It's easier to climb down than to to climb up. Also, we know the ground, we're use to it, the summit is unknown. And what's unknown is often scary. But it is exactly that fear that prevents us to see the light. 

Almost everyone when face to difficulties starts by denying it and tends to deal with it when there's nothing no other choice but to change or drowned. Because change is hard. It's not comfortable. Quite the contrary. It takes effort and discipline and faith and trust. Because true change comes from the inside. We have to change the way our brain is wired, wired by our education, experiences, family. We have to rewire our brain. Make new neurones connections. For instance, if someone has anger problems. A way to modify his reactions would be to think that every time he will feel anger, he'll transform anger with something else, breathing, taking a walk, listening to music, anything. Then, slowly, by repetition and practice he will change his reaction with a more positive reaction. But that takes effort and discipline and perseverance.

I've been praying and doing exercices now for almost 6 months. Praying not only for me but for my family, my friends and the world. I'm starting to feel the change. I feel it inside of me. I feel different. I feel more giving, more open, less resentful. I've been asking to be a better mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend. 

I understand certain things better. I'm ready to wait because I'm not scared anymore. I don't need instant gratification because I know that real gratification takes time. And the difference is that I dont only know it superficially but I truly deeply know it .