Meaning of life

I passed most of my life feeling disconnected from the world around me. I was the main character of my movie and the people around were extras with very few exceptions. I wished that somehow we could start again from scratch. I dreamed of chaos and explosions and destructions, the only way in my head for a new beginning. Natural born killers was my cult movie along with clockwork orange... I had no respect for the world I was living in. When people asked me what I was doing for a living I use to answer: I live it keeps me busy. Or how old I was: I'm centuries old. I felt like an old soul watching the same movie for the thousand times, bored watching it. I was passing time dancing, listening to music or 

Waking up when it was dark: wake up its dark outside! Living in reverse mode. Not giving a fuck about anything, reputation was at the bottom of my list. Par eux mais sans Eux. Living through them but without them. I often asked myself why am I here ? What am I suppose to do with this life I never asked for...

I read that life begins at 40 up to then we are just doing research. In Judaism we say that maturity begins at 40 and I agree. I just figure out now what I really want to do with the life that's been offered to me. I want to have a positive impact and to be part of the construction of a better world and help in a pacifist way the destruction of the old system.

Like a say: I come with pure intentions. 

I'm not angry anymore I'm at peace for the first time in my life.